Pics from through out the year!!!ENJOY

Tomorrow starts a new year!

This is the day that most people are making promises to themselves about what they will or will not do in the next yr. As we know most of them end up in failure....I have some goals, thinking about starting a separate blog to keep up the info on them!
My number one goal for me is to loose 100lbs....I want to get this done by my husbands birthday, in July.
Obviously to get that goal I have to have the eating better, and working out goals!
I am looking forward to the move that my family will be making soon. Right now we are in an 800 sq foot 2 bedroom apartment. With 6 of us. The living room is a play room for the kids, the 3 girls share a room, my husband, my son and I share a room. Gabe has his own bed and Geromy and I share the futon. I want to pack it all up now!!!
My second goal is to be moved and settled before the kids get out of school.
My third goal is to take more pictures of the kids, and in general spend more time with them.
My final goal is to be more aware of what my husband wants. Try to make him happy.
That being said, have a happy, and safe new yr.

I have to get this out there...

Why is it that when I am up late trying to get Gabe to sleep and I am hungry without fail there is a Domino's commercial, or Subway, or any fast food place....they are closed.This should not be allowed!!!!
Joking of course, but seriously it really bites to watch food commercials when I am hungry and too tired to go downstairs and cook food!
They either need to stop with the commercials or stay open later!!!
Vent over!

today my

perfectly normal (insert eye roll)3yr old did something so, so gross that if you get sick easy DO NOT read on:
We went to McDonalds to take a break from the after xmas shopping (was 75% off!!) and she was in the play area.....she went in there and came back out with GUM! NOT hers, not given to her by someone....something she found. It was taken away, I had to fight the urge not to puke. She should not be doing this at 3yrs 3months of age, no way!!!
ICK!!!

it is 3:20 am

I should be sleeping, but cannot...the kids have dentist appointments at 10am. The girls will be up at 7am. Gabe will be up any time he wants. I need sleep...however it does seem to need me tonight!

Tomorrow...

I am calling the pediatricians office and getting Deze in for a hearing test. It is one of the things that needs to be done to continue with a diagnosis on her. And it is simply making me nuts to say her name over and over and over and getting NO response at all from her. Not a blink, smile, nothing. You can literally yell at her and she does not respond. I am pretty sure she can hear me, cause she can speak. I so want to cry cause I remember clearly going through this with Gabe.
I feel daily like she is "slipping away" and I have no clue what to do. I try to work with her, play toys with her, she wants NOTHING to do with me.
She goes back into the neurologist in Feb 2009......Its like she can hear me, but it does not process.......I wish the school would step up and do their job, I really do feel they are letting her slip "through the cracks" It makes me mad for her, and for every other kid and parent out there dealing with diagnosing a child.
I just want my snugly baby back..I realize I have 2 NT (neurologically typical) kids and I am very thankful for that. However I fear of what will happen to Gabe and Deze as they get older, there are only so many more yrs I can pick Gabe up for, he is already 50 lbs. Deze is 40lbs.
I want more then anything to believe that there is nothing "wrong" with Deze, but something tells me that there is. I am her mom, I refuse to give up on her...even if the rest of the world does, I refuse!

New Years....

So we are all know new year is coming soon. I want the kids to watch the ball drop on tv, but I don't want them up so late. So today I had an idea. To the kids the fun of it is the snacks and the countdown, the idea of it....We decided to TIVO the ball drop and let them watch it the next day. So our New years eve party is going to be new years night!!
Menu so far is meatballs (with grape jelly and cream cheese), cheese cubes, chips and dip, and chocolate covered cherries.
These are not normal things, all treat items, the kids will be thrilled!!
Tajia has decided that she does not have to share butterscotch with the other kids, however she thinks the other kids should all share their new toys with her, this has resulted in lots of time outs!
Gabe has been throwing toys all day, not sure what is going on there. He seems to be upset about something, I have no clue what. I wish it was as simple as asking him. I really hope he is in bed before 2 am tonight.
Deze has been into everything today.....she pooped her pullup, dipped into it with her hands..I was in the middle of cooking lunch, trying to catch her. I get her to hold still, try to grab a washcloth to wipe her hands, she wipes them on the kitchen counter!!(bleach is my friend!!)
I ship her to daddy, wash and bleach the counter...then my hands and hear yelling from the playroom, in the time it took daddy to open the wipes she smeared more poop on a toy. Toy gets taken to sink and bleached. Then I hear it, daddy saying "oh ick DEZE get your hand out of your MOUTH" to which she asks "why daddy?"
umm yea we told her it could hurt her she laughed, got her all cleaned up and fed...went on with the day!
Nomuken has been so calm today, I love it, she is generally our calmer kid....she has her days. My problem is cause how calm she is she gets ignored somedays, I have to force myself to remember to give her attention separate!
I will spare you all the pics of the poop adventure of the day, hopefully its the only one. However its only 5pm!!!

finally!!

Its 2am, and Gabe JUST fell asleep!! I am so tired! Off to bed!! Its going to be an early morning!! The girls are up about 7am. And Gabe could be up for the day within 2 hours....please, please let his sleep!! good night world!

The last few days

Have been great! We had to take down the tree and all the decorations on Christmas night. Gabe kept asking when Santa was coming again, he just didn't understand it. So down went the tree!
He has been yelling alot in the last few days, little things are setting him off. I think it had to do with the sliding on his diet lately....back to the regular lack of color! I have been working with him alot on his name lately, but for some reason he will always spell it as "gdae" which is a start, and I am not about to tell him its not right! I need him to not give up on himself. He loves the show word world..he has learned to spell (outloud) tree and pie. He cannot write them as he does not reconize individual letters at all. I am not sure if he ever will.
We are going to be having a meeting with his teachers sometime after school restarts. Today him and Tajia were playing together (rare, but she is the only girl he will play with) and he was the teacher. He was yelling at her, hitting her and sending her to time out......over and over, I finally had to step in and get him distracted. I am not sure where he learned this, I told him teachers DO NOT act like this. He looked at me blankly and says "gabes do"
For those of you with a kid that has autism you can understand why I am stuck. I believe my child, I believe there is something going on at school that is not ok. But I cannot prove it, and the only thing I can do is to pull him out. If he could answer questions I might be able to figure more out, however if I ask him if his teacher yells at him he generally responds with either a bark, or "gabe no like school....no make gabe go"
We 2 more months till Deze gets in to get diagnosed. I am counting it down, yet afraid of it all at the same time. I love her, I do not want a label on her too. At the same time in order to help her I have to know what the issues are first. The break from occupational therpy has not been good for her, she is eating everything again.....dirt, food, chalk, ink you name it. Gabe needs the speech again and occupational, we see a difference with them when they get it. For Gabe he talks more clear....and is calmer.
He is back to being up till 3am again. I need sleep!!!
Deze talks well, but its so, so fast its hard to catch what she is saying.
Please don't read this and think I am complianing about my kids, I am not, we are blessed to have them. I know this, but I will admit somedays I get jealous of the people with "normal" kids.
But then again what is normal? I have a normal 5 yr old, she is whinning all the time!!! I also have a normal 4 yr, she is so calm.....they are all so different. And yet I love them all !!!
Oh and if you are wondering what Deze was doing while I was writing this well here ya go :

just a few of the christmas pics!

christmas

has come and gone, as has my birthday....I will post lots of pics tomorrow....

wordless Tuesday!!

I feel like nothing but a burden.....

I hate having other people do things for me. Its even worse when said other person gets mad. Right now my husband is upset with me, cause I asked him to clean the things I cannot....I cannot stand up for more the about 5 min without crying literally in pain. I made it down stairs to start a load of clothes last night. Today I asked him to do the dishes and change Gabe's bed as he peed it over night. I am getting an attitude as if I hurt myself on purpose....just to inconvenience him....
I am hoping he goes to work tonight...not because I can handle things, but because I can take enough pain pills to no longer feel it and get something done here, before Christmas. I am running on about 4 hours of sleep....going up and down the steps 2 times last night put me in enough pain that it took 6 Tylenol and till 6am to pass out.
I hate this. I miss my kids. I miss my husband being able to sit and play his video games and being happy, rather then yelling and feeling like its my fault. I realize now that I have to suck it up, get up and limp it off.
The world fucking sucks right now, I am not ready for Christmas....Gabe is panicked about santa cookies not being done....I cannot stand up long enough to make them. So here is to taking pain pills and praying I can make it through another day of being someones burden.

This is what I woke up to this morning

I am .............

Extremely tired....it is 4:40am and I am unable to sleep. The pain will not subside enough....the pain pills are messing with my head instead of with the pain in my foot. I just want to some how move it so the pain and pressure ease. At this point it does not seem to be possible. Germ is upset about missing another day of work, I can understand, but when I cannot get down the steps, I cannot be left alone with 4 kids for 8 hours. If it was just Tajia and Nomuken I would be ok...but Gabe likes to go outside....alone, I couldn't get him. Deze likes to get into the fridge and pour, smear, break, eat, and throw things.
On another note Gabe learned a whole new skill tonight...wall scaling!!

I am going stircrazy in my own home!!

I want to get up and get things around here done, I want to clean, catch up the laundry and dishes....I want to be able to get downstairs to take care of my kids....I cannot take this. I cannot move my foot without large amounts of pain. I can barely make it to the bathroom, takes about 15 min and its a matter of 10 feet. There is NO way I can make it down the steps. This sucks, I have things to get ready for xmas, shopping to do as we are nearly out of food. I miss my kids and I HATE making Geromy do everything.....I know that when I can get down the stairs I have 4 days of laundry already waiting...5 by tomorrow!
It is snowing again....I need to get to the grocery store...I hate this!!!
I was up till 5am cause I do not have pain pills and I cannot sleep in this much pain.....I just want to move it somehow to where the pain at least subsides.....grr.....
I have plenty of things to be happy for, I am well aware of this. Just hate having to sit on my ass and be waited on!!!

Wishing Vicodin were stronger

I had alot to get done today....Christmas cards mailed out, packages mailed out...shopping to finish since it was the kids last day at school this yr. We were heading out to do them. I was not paying attention to the stairs and fell down them. I have a sprained ankle. I cannot walk, cannot move it without screaming. I have had 4 labors and births without drugs at all. I would much, much rather be in labor right now....at least I could still walk to the potty in less then 15 min (its 20 feet away!) I am embarrassed, I am hurting, and I am out of vicodin. They gave me 3 in the ER, it dulled the pain, did not kill it.....I got the xrays came home and passed out, and the pain was back, and worse, as is the swelling. There is a 50% chance of getting a call saying its broken tomorrow as the guy that reads the ankle bone xrays was not in today......
It is swollen to the point that I borrowed Germ's sock, mine no longer fit, and getting a shoe on is a joke!
Hope your day went better then mine......

today.....

We were told to give Nomukens eyes 4 more months to adjust...the right eye is bad.....nearly blind bad. We get to the back room, where they did the eye drops last time and she says to the nurse "can you do the drops, cause if you do I get ice cream!" She didn't get the drops, she did get Chinese for lunch though!!
Gabe has not been to school at all in December...we have not heard from the school at all. I have seen his teacher nearly daily when I pick up the girls from headstart..she will say hi to me or smile, but NEVER once has she asked where Gabe is or if he is ok....seems odd to me.
So FINALLY today I get a call from the school nurse at his old school asking if Gabe is ok, that she heard he had not been there in a while. I told her the truth, that we didn't see an improvement from him while he was there, since I have been working with him at home, he is learning letters and spelling, ok so its one word (PIE) but still!
I want to have a meeting with this teacher I want to know why she is in the line of work that she is in. I have worked in a headstart before and am working on opening a daycare in the near future....I LOVE kids.....I personally get the feeling that his teacher is in it for the money. In the end of the call the nurse told me that the real reason that it mattered where he was is cause when he is not there they don't get the funding?

So that leads me to think that the ONLY reason they even put up with my son is for the funding....My son is not money....It makes me mad, and sad all at once.....I love him and I know that nobody can ever love him like I do. But please people if you are considering working with autistic kids...or an disability for that matter, make sure its for the reasons of helping a kid, loving a kid, learning more yourself, and bettering the world. Not just for money in your wallet...you want that go to walmart!

Gabe is being Spike the dinosaur today....he wants one...when he is feeling happy with life he acts as a puppy or dinosaur...does it when stressed to, his way of copping. I wish I could help him more, I want the world to see him as someone to learn from, someone to love, someone to help....but most of all SOMEONE!
I know that he will never be an equal, I see my just turned 5 yr old daughter passing him up fast already. Some of the worlds smartest people will never be happy....yet in the eyes of my autistic son all you need is the snow falling onto you, with your tongue out and eyes closed...when he did this I asked him why his reason "it me tent" and he is right. The issue is not that he does not take things he, he takes in EVERY little thing, teaching him how to use that and when is what makes me his mommy.

Snow from the weekend...

If you pray please read this!

As anyone following this blog would know Nomuken (my 4yr old girl) has glasses. She is going in on Wednesday to find out if the glasses do enough of a correction on her eyes or if she needs surgery. I am worried about the surgery, they would not be doing laser, and its a 6 week recovery....I could seriously cry with worry right now, she has NO clue.
If you pray please say a prayer for Nomuken that she does NOT need this surgery and that the glasses are doing their job! Thank you.

The kids are lucky today

They could have been hurt badly today. The light covering over the kitchen light fell and broke......Geromy and I were upstairs, Gabe and Tajia in the kitchen getting milk to drink (that is their new thing) We hear this crash sound, look at each other and run for the kitchen. Get in there to find glass all over the place and Gabe and Tajia bare foot in the middle of it all......we waded in their bare foot as well and got the kids out of there. How it fell we have no idea. This is the light that is right over were the kids eat....and their lunch was nearly done, 5 min later they would have been sitting right there!
I will post pics of the snow we are getting in the morning....there is a lot of it and school here is canceled. High in the negative double digits tomorrow (-15).......welcome to the North!!

snow storm

Last night I checked the weather online to see that we had a "blizzard" as they call it headed toward us....I made Germ run to the store for food and bottled water, just in case. Now I sit here watching the snow come down, wondering if it will ever stop, and happy I sent him to the store. No way would I drap the kids out in this unless I had to!
Tomorrow is going to be bitter cold, as in negative double digits......wonder if they will cancel school tomorrow?
Our other highlight for the day was the light cover in the kitchen falling and breaking. We were upstairs and hear a loud shattering noise.....run downstairs to find Gabe barefoot in the kitchen surrounded by glass.
How this fell I have no idea...10 min later my kids would have been sitting under it for lunch.....guess it was just our lucky day!

My day.....

has been hell so far...we went to the cities for some training for Geromy's job, so I am trying to unpack from that (got back late last night) and Deze is being a spawn today....you think I am kidding? I took a few pics of her handy work.....


Lovely huh? I could seriously scream....I started to try to get that cleaned up, she goes downstairs and gets into her sister present and busts it!
I am not sure how I am going to get this all done, I know that next is the fight to get her and Gabe to eat...then the bedtime fight (about 3 hours) THEN I will have the time to clean up the house.....I need a house keeper.
Mean while Gabe is in a mood today...hitting and biting again. I hate when he gets like this, means he is stressed about something or getting sick....never fun figuring out....I will post more about the trip and kids later, gots to go I can hear Deze in the bathroom with the water on, that is NEVER a good thing!!