BORED

I am bored today.....Nomuken and Tajia are playing well, Gabe is on the xbox. Deze is the one reason I have to watch like a hawk right now....she was up on top of the fridge not more then 5 min ago.....she has poured out a 64oz bottle of juicy juice, on the kitchen floor. Then she pour cereal in that to "dry it up"....once her time out was up. I got Gabe a drink, and heard her in the bathroom...she plugged the sink with toilet paper and was watching the run onto the floor.
I put her in her room and clean that up.....she climbs OVER the 3 and a half foot tall kid gate. I put her back into her room and finish clean up I go to get her from her room to find her, well playing in.....poop! wonderful!
She is now cleaned up and in the playroom....I have the hallway to the kitchen blocked off...and I am sitting on the steps....she is trapped in here.
I know this sounds bad, but I don't have a clue what to do with her....pain, heat, cold, fear...NOTHING stops her. She does not seem to care about what will happen if she touches the on burner on the stove....or walks outside in the snow in nothing at all.
Back up will be here in 3 hours.....hopefully we all survive!!!!!

shopping time!

Today we braved the crowds and hit the stores....all 4 kids in tow. Gabe with his PSP and snacks all the way around. They did great. We got some kick ass deals and xmas is done!
I am thrilled, we spent about 100....saved over 200....good enough for me!
I am wiped out, the girls are in bed and Gabe is sleeping!!!
Geromy is at work for 3 more hours.....its all me time, time to find a good book warm blanket and a hot cup of tea!!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

So today is thanksgiving.....to some people its nothing much, to me it means alot. Most people that read this do not know much about my families past. We no longer talk to my father or his side of the family due to a falling out. What is that you ask?
Well without going into a ton of detail (and yes I am well aware they could read this) they used to help my family alot.....financially, they offered to help us, by giving us a home, rent free to live in, just the normal bills...(I know, I know, if it sounds to good to be true it most likely is)
We moved into the trailer in August of 2006, no heat, no air, no running water, no bathroom....only one room ok for the kids to be in, slept in this one room, with one crib for Deze, play pen for Nomuken, chair for Gabe, and sofa for Tajia to sleep on, Geromy and I slept sitting up....
We had a working fridge and microwave.....we bathed in a rubbermaid tub with gallons of store bought water. Trust me you don't want to know about the bathroom situation...the kids were all in diapers still. They slept with 2 blanket sleepers on each night as well as 3-4 blankets....it was cold, as in see your breath cold.
To put it nicely it was hell, we were damn lucky none of the kids were taken from us, we were stuck there until Dec. 19th 2006. Then is when we moved to where we are now.
We have come along way, and in some ways I am glad we went through what we did, it helped me to know all we really have. However the minute that we no longer needed the help with money or a place to live, my father walked away, moved 4 hours away without a word. Tajia asks about him to this day....Gabe does not remember him, his 4th bday was the last time he saw him. We are lucky for autism in that one sense, that people can come and go and Gabe does not realize they were ever here....kinda sad really.
Anyways this post is bringing me to tears remembering what my babies had to go through.
I am thankful for, running water, heat, true friends....real family (not always blood, more a feeling of the heart!) my kids, health, and life itself!!
I would give alot to have the normal issues at thanksgiving, the fighting family, the hustle to get things done.....but yet its kinda nice that its just me, my husband and our 4 kids.
I love my life and would not change a thing. Just for fun I asked the kids what they are thankful for....
Tajia says Elmo
Nomuken says she is happy she has a mommy and daddy
Deze says she is happy for you (no telling who that was directed at with her)
Gabe says he is happy we zip his zipper.....daddy just helped him zip his pants after going potty....
No matter how little you have remember that someone out there has less....keep in mind what you DO have.....have a happy thanksgiving!!!

Gabe said it

So earlier today the girls were all in headstart, so its just me, Geromy and Gabe here. Gabe is snuggling with me cause he does not feel well and he knows I feel sick too. Geromy makes him lunch hands him the plate...Gabe smiles, Geromy says "I love you buddy" to which Gabe replies (while staring at his plate) "I love you too daddy!"
I almost cried.....you see normally we get the response of "even me too" from Gabe if we tell him we love him, or "yea and Gabe" so this is a HUGE step for us!

He was really confused at the big deal we made out of it, he just wanted his food! Gabe has no idea how far he has come.....So this thanksgiving I am thankful that my son can say "I love you too"

Is time standing still?

I feel so sick and exhausted that I am beginning to think that this day will NEVER end! I just want to sleep...and clean up. The kids seem to be making more messes by the second, oh why can't they just hang out and be tv kids for ONE day!
5 hours till backup gets home!!!

today.....

I am sick...my head hurts, my throat hurts....everything hurts. Found out its most likely strep throat thanks to the heads up from the headstart!
So as I am getting all 3 girls from school I see in the hall the women that did the eval on Deze in the first place. Tajia is throwing a fit at this point, so I am counting her...the women pops her head out of the office and says to me "see they all have bad days, no need to drag them in to be evaluated each time!" (refering to us demanding Deze to be tested)
I tryed to be nice, I really did.....I simply told her "you may think that she is smart, we never argued that one, but right now you have 3 professionals that disagree with you about her. They all believe she has aspergers"
She started to say something back, I just walked away. I don't want to hear it...she had her testing time, 2 different times with Deze and failed to see anything different about my child.
I do however question as to whether she is in the right profession...imagine all the parents she told that the kid was smart and the parent gave up. Scary!!

If I have to clean poop off one more thing

today I am going to scream! Deze will not poop in the potty.....so she does it in her pull up, fine. The issue is that she does it then takes off the pull up, leaves it where it lands and continues to go about whatever she was doing...she starts this today!
Making dinner I hear a scream from Tajia upstairs...I come running, finally understand that she is saying "poop, poop on the floor MOM!!!"
I get up here thinking its not a big thing, just a turd clean it up, bleach its all good.....then I round the corner into the bathroom.....poop on the sink, all over the potty, on the floor, in the tub, on Tajia's foot, and all over Deze...she was finger painting in it.....and well lets just put it this way if I could professionally clean her teeth I would. ICK!!!
I clean it up, bleach it all (except the kids) and get them dinner....Deze is done first I send her to take off her clothes and get in her room. Tajia comes up 2 min later, and the screaming starts again!! This time its in the freaking carpet....as well as Deze...its gone now....but OMG so, so GROSS!!!!
Now the house smells like carpet cleaner and I cannot leave Deze in her room to get the dishes done down stairs till she is sleeping, I am NOT cleaning up more poop today!

Sometimes.....

I want to be told I am wrong....Deze had an appointment this morning, with Children's Mental health.....they too think that she has aspergers. I am thrilled that someone is listening, and willing to help her. In the same breathe I want to cry, I so wanted them to tell me I was nuts and she is normal.
I know she is perfect in her own way, I know that we are lucky she is mainly healthy otherwise....yet at the same time its so much stress all the time, so much yelling (not by me, by the kids)
Gabe has been high stress lately...every tiny thing is setting him off. I mean you look toward him and its screaming melt down time. I think he is tired, but I cannot get him to sleep more then a few hours a night. I am not sure of how to handle him sometimes. Other then staying calm with him....I do not understand his world.
I feel like Tajia and Nomuken get left in the dark sometimes. I am trying to change this, we have special days now where one kid gets to go with either mom or dad somewhere special. Even as simple as walmart they are thrilled!
I have had to explain to Tajia alot lately that she is a lucky girl. She screams for a 200 dollar toy....and tells me I am horrible when I tell her no. So I changed it up and had a talk with her, let her know that she is a lucky kiddo. She does not get hit, spanked, screamed at.....or many of the other things that both Geromy and I got as kids.
She does however get time outs....and points removed if she does not listen or throws fits....she is now realizing this is not the end of the world, and that she is in control of loosing the points, all she has to do is listen! Its nice when you can reason with them!
I need to clean off the desk, but I have no energy today at all. I feel drained. Its dark and snowing out, and cold as hell......the house is clean other then the desk so hopefully its not the end of the world!
Next up....what to make for dinner?
We got all the xmas pics taken for the cards last night, non of which are on here! They came out really good, I got a total of 4 pics with Gabe in them.....about 100 of my hams...I mean girls.
I need a good book, comfy jammies and a hot cup of cocoa or tea.........

wordless Sunday!

oh the places a kid will write their name!

Ok so far I have just called her Nomuken....today you are going to get to see her real name for the first and most likely only time!
She did it all by herself! Those of you that don't know its backwards on there, no clue how she managed to do this.....she thought she was in trouble, till I busted out the camera.

LEAVE A COMMENT

Ok, so I know that there are people out there reading this as my map shows hits, and the numbers of hits go up daily. I bet that if you read this blog you have things you agree or disagree with me about, or just want to say. So here is your chance, I don't care if I know you, or if you know me....I just want to get some comments, a simple "hi" would be good.
I have some pics to post, but will do that in the morning, its been a very long day!

I would just like to say..

I LOVE excedrin migraine!! 4 of those pills and 2 cans of pepsi and I can see straight! The kids are happy too......they can now breathe without mommy freaking out on them!
On a different note we got our copy of Gabe's new IEP today in the mail....OMG if they lie about my son anymore I am going to scream....says he can count to 14....really? Since when? I have never seen past 5 in a row....then he just skips all over? How does that one work for them? They say he does circle time without issues, I have sat in on class as has Germ, that is a lie....he spends most of circle time running around, hiding in the box or building with blocks...not in the circle.
I could seriously scream with how they make things up for the IEP. Ok its more like "1,2,3...B-I-N-G-O" repeat the b-i-n-g-o about 100 times and that is the reply we get when asking him to count....he starts to sing the letters to bingo when stressed now too kinda cute!
Matter of fact in the middle of Nomuken's birthday party he lost a game and started to scream "B-I-N-G-O" over and over, confused the lady helping with the party!
They also have on there that his words are normal of a 5 yr old...oh really? Except that I cannot for the live of me understand about 20% of what he says....certain letters he cannot do at all...not normal!GRRR!!! I am sure I will edit this to complain about more as I read more of the IEP, but for now, its just frustrating!

I should be cleaning but....

Instead I am simply trying to survive this migraine! The kids are all entertained with Cailou....I feel like my head is going to fall off.....the kids ended up with hot dogs and chips for dinner. I feel like a bad mommy. I need to fold the clean clothes and vacuum, but I can hardly move. I am killing time while the pills kick in. If Germ was here I would be sleeping, but he is not, so I have to stay awake and keep the kids from killing each other!
Good things its late.....the kids have to be up to get germ from work at 10 pm, but at least the sun is not up killing my eyes....on the other hand Gabe REALLY needs a volume adjuster!

Yep that is set up in the play room now...yep its a little early..nope I don't care!

one of those days!

It is 1:30pm here and I could very well go insane before back up gets here sometime after 3pm. As of right now my kids are wild...I am not sure what to do, I want to just disappear.
About 30 min ago Deze was upstairs, and she was quite, not normal, I go up there to find her trying to shove things into the bathroom sink......I get the colors out of it and get her into the play room...she is mad at me. I am not having to remove her from tables every 10 seconds and she is tearing up yet another book. I have no idea what to do with her, I feel like I am failing at this whole mom thing.
Nothing gets through to her, and I mean NOTHING. We tried the spanking thing, the yelling thing, the time out thing, the 1,2,3 magic thing.....shutting her in her room alone. You name it we tried it. She does not react!
While leaving school on Thursday with her and the other 2 girls she took off into the parking lot. I dropped all the boots and school papers and ran for her, caught her and got her up onto the curb just as the UPS truck drove right where she had been, he didn't see her. She was so close to being hit....scared me. Thank goodness Nomuken and Tajia stood on the curb and waited....
I fear that she is going to hurt herself, badly. The train, the trucks, cars, strangers, jumping from heights...none of it phases her in the least! She is getting bigger, stronger and arguing more.....
I dread the days I have to take Gabe and her both alone.....its so scary to not have control of her. Tajia and Nomuken know that cars can hit and kill you, they know that a stranger can take you and harm you....they know this, they listen when they need to. Gabe does not like people he does not know, he tends to cling to me alot....but I will take that over the running off any day, he still does this, alot, but when he is tired or sick its all mommy all the time!
Deze has a leash....she hates it, I hate the looks I get when I use it, but I think its time to use it again. I would rather the looks then a dead kid and guilt forever.
Today is just one of those I don't feel like I can do anything right days....the kids need more room to run, and to just be kids...I wish the mall here had an indoor play area, I would be there daily!
On the other hand the dishes are done, floor are vacuumed, laundry just needs folded and put up......

black friday....and snow!

So yesterday Target released their black Friday ad.....I will be there with 4 kids in tow, they have some really good deals! I may take the "home protection" base ball bat just in case someone trys to take my goods....or more likely touch one of my kids! Of course I could always just turn Gabe loose on them! He saw the movie Kong Fu Panda and is now trying to do the moves! Daddy may have some nasty bruising on him from this?
We have snow, it actually stuck to the ground....not sure if I am ok with this or not, the kids however are thrilled! We also but up the tree so the kids want to know when Santa will be here! I have pics to post up later if it actually up loads in less then an hour today!

Nomuken 4th bday party!!!

Just a few pics, they are taking forever and a day to load up.....so much for cable internet being faster!!!

tomorrow Nomuken is 4yrs old!

Tomorrow is her 4th bday, I cannot believe time has gone by that fast. Seem like only weeks ago.....she is going to be getting a backyardigans bday party at mcdonalds! I am exicted for her, yet worried all in one, 4 is when Tajia started to be more ummm braty? back talked more, fought the rules more....ya know like 4 is the new 2!
She is worried that she is not going to get anything since we keep telling them we don't have the money for (food out to eat, expensive toys on a whim) things like that. She has no idea that I have to stay up tonight to dig out her gifts and wrap them all up!! She has no clue that almost all their xmas is bought and that they are not getting shorted at all.....matter of fact if someone did know our income and saw what they are getting they would be shocked!
We are super careful to make sure that they get cool toys....we save for them, get them on sale dirt cheap with coupons......its skill! They are spoiled rotten and I would have it no other way!
Gabe has been dry all day......he loves his new bionical set that he got last night! All the kids got more dress up clothes today, target went 90% off on halloween and I used Germ's discount card on top of that...saved 90 bucks!!! Got to love that!
We made it out of target 2 night back with one of the best deals so far.....we got:

10 boxes of Kelloggs cereal (the good stuff)
3 half gallons of silk soy milk
2 things of goodie hair ties
We were out the door for 64 CENTS....yes you read that right...this is how my kids get bdays and xmas!!!! I LOVE coupons!!!!!!!!!!

OMG WE HAVE POOP!!!!!

As I wrote the other day we are trying to get Gabe using the potty....we have the pee thing down for the daytime for the most part, 2 or 3 messes a day! Well today he POOPED in the potty!!!!
He got his 40 dollar bionical set......hot cocoa, a piece of candy and tons of hugs and cheers....so much so that the bitch next door started to hit the wall and scream to shut up! (she is a whole other post!)
Daddy is at work, he does not know yet....and if you think this post is too much info, well I will have you know that it could have been much more informative....I have a picture of it!!! Yep seriously....if you had a kid that was nearly 6, autistic and finally using the potty you would have taken a picture too!!!
More to come later, I just had to get this out there!!!!!

Gabe is being removed from school!

Today was the last straw....I get there and the teacher is in a meeting, the kids are wild and non of the 2 subs know what they are doing! Another autistic child had to use the toilet, he was holding himself, it was very obvious. The subs didn't even notice, I stepped in and asked him if he needed to potty, and then led him to the potty. The teachers were all focused on the normal kids, they didn't see Gabe come into the room at all......I got his back pack up, him to the potty, the other kid to the potty....made him sit and write his name, and then made him check in....we were settled with toys when they saw he was there.
This is not ok, they had no idea what to do with my child, I am not ok with this at all. I had to step in to help with the other ASD child when he ran from the room, I then calmed him down. The stroller he was push was hit by an NT child and the wheel broke off...this caused him to break down as he thought he busted the wheel. The teachers kept telling him he was "ok, come back and play" I finally said to him.....(his name) did not break stroller, its ok. He stopped crying, repeated what I said, I confirmed this and off he went, the teachers didn't understand his worry was that HE broke it, not that it was broke.
The normal teacher comes in about then, tells the subs that in 5 min its circle time, and that (other little boy) and Gabe could do whatever during this time.....I do not agree with this.
So in short I have ordered Gabe's homeschooling supplies, its not fair to leave him somewhere where the people cannot understand him. I don't always understand him either, but I am willing to take the time, they just act like he is a waste of their time! I am not sure if the subs or the teacher were required to take any classes on how to deal with ASD kids, if they have not they should...and these kids need smaller classes, more one on one time.....its 18 kids to 2 teachers today, 3 of the kids are ASD. I can barely handle one ASD kid somedays....I think there should be extras there for the ASD kids.
I understand that they want to treat Gabe as "normal" as they can, but the truth is that he is not normal and by icing that fact over they are not doing him any long term favors!

for those of you that don't know ASD means Autism Spectrum Disorder
NT means Neurologically Typical

yet another exhausting day

Between the meetings, apts, and normal daily things I am not sure how much more I can take, I feel like I am just going to drop!
We did get all the outdoor things that were all over the playroom put in storage, that is a big plus, the kids have their play room back and we have room for a Christmas tree!
Gabe is doing good with the potty thing, one accident today, around 10:30pm so I think he was getting tried, he did great at school all day. And he pooped his underwear tonight as well.....tomorrow is another day with a clean slate waiting!
We had our autism meeting tonight, its a once a month thing to go and talk to other parents of kids with autism, well we had to take all 4 kids with us as we have no sitter. They did ok for a while, then got wilder as an hour went by. I am considering stopping going to the meetings, I love the interaction, but most the parents there are having issues with elementary school, and I have no intentions of ever sending Gabe, he is set up to start online home school in August 2009. I feel out of place there, I am not the out going type, I can go the whole meeting without speaking and am ok with that, I think that Geromy will be going from now on and I will stay home with the piglets and get them to bed on time!
I am out of here for the night, Gabe just had some Halloween cookies and is now tired, I hope!
Oh on a side note target went 75% off the Halloween things, we got TONS, costumes for next yr (the good $30-40 dollar ones) for each kid, lots of really cool decorations all for 50 bucks....we saved $183 (its listed on the bottom of the receipt, I do not have that much time!)
Good night world.......

Today was a long day!

It is 1am (for some reason the time shows up wrong at the bottom) I am so tired its not funny....yet sleep will not come. I am stressed....next Monday my Nomuken turns 4yrs old. I am not ready for this, I want her to stay 3 forever! I know its not possible, she is excited about her bday, and she is having it at McDonald's this yr. She saw another kid having their party there when we were have dinner there one time, and she got all happy asked if she could do that too. Well she is just too cute and she won, she is only little once right? There are only so many yrs that a McDonalds party is cool!
We are trying to potty train Gabe. This is not easy, he was trained all the way before his regression. Now we are starting from square one. So we are bribing him, big time......with legos, a huge set he picked. He has the picture of the set, he carries it with him at all times, we have the charts, we ask him every 5 min. We get the "are you nuts?" looks all the time, something about cheering for a 5yr old that pees in the potty is odd to some people. To me he is just a kid potty training, no matter the age they need all the positive they can get, he needs it more so. I guess all a stranger sees is a 5yr old peeing......
So the deal for him to earn this toy is to poop in the potty 2 times. We are also counting how many days he can stay dry. Yesterday was 2 messes.......today 2 as well. So far no poop in the potty. We will keep hoping, cheering and looking nutty to all the people out there if that is what it takes.
He had an "I hate the world" day as I call them. He was mad, well livid with me and Germ and Deze (she was there, the other 2 girls were in school) If we tried to talk to him we got told "I HATE YOU!" If Deze so much as looked at him he got livid.....their car seats are next to each other, he ended up in the van without shoes on, for Deze's safety. He kept taking them off trying to hit her, then trying to grab her to bite him....what does she do you ask? Funny thing there, she was spitting at him, laughing at him, singing louder when told to stop.....oh yes she knows how to piss him off and yes she thinks its funny.....and no she does not cry when he bites her. Its an odd relationship those 2 have, makes me nutty.
Deze had her first dental exam today, she did super. Sat there for 3 min before taking off in the middle of cleaning........they gave her a toy, a tooth brush and a pencil to get her attention. That worked for a min, then they turned on the light and let her play with the on and off button on it, she LOVED that! Good news is no cavities or anything like that....she does have too much space in there, so maybe braces in the next few yrs....we are going to start saving now, seriously!
Tomorrow brings a whole new day........of teachers meetings, drop offs and pick ups......paper work and just making sure the world keeps turning. Some days I think all I am is someone to keep the family on time, like a real live calender!
Makes me nuts.......some days a simple thank you would do wonders, some days an unasked for hug would be great.....and days like today a simple space on the bed to sleep while he stays up and plays xbox well into the night is all I need..........now off to get 5 hours of sleep and do it again, right after I add coffee to the shopping list for tomorrow!

The total is done!

Obama is the next president, ready or not world here comes the change! Be they good or bad they are going to happen!!!!!
I am trying to keep this unbiased here.....but I do know that some people are upset about this, and I can understand that....but I will then ask those people understand that if tables were flipped they would be thrilled.
He has not done anything yet, give the man a chance, its not like he can make things worse then our president that is in office for the next few months. So instead of judging and reacting now, stay calm, sit down, buckle in and take it all one day at a time. If in 4 yrs he messed up big time I will be right there with you and be mad. Just give him a shot at this, sometimes ya just never know what can happen.........and if you hate him cause he is the first black man to win, well then I can see why our kids are so hateful anymore, the parents breed them that way!
Play nice, be fair, and let him make the errors before you stomp off pouting!!!!

The Votes are in!

Now its time to sit on the edge of your seats and wait for all the numbers to be counted.....and knowing the luck of the world they will have to do a recount (I hope not!)
So who ever wins, wins, there is no turning back, no takesies backsies........I just hope that who ever gets into office remembers that not all of us are made of money, not all of us are perfect, and some of us really need the health care for our kids to get the therapies ........that is all for the moment!!!!

Tomorrow is the big day!!

Election day! Remember that if you don't vote you do not have the right to complain about who lands in office....I know that we are all voting how we see fit, but please vote for someone based on who they are and what they believe, not age or color.
And don't forget all the freebies out there with your "I voted" sticker!
Starbucks :free large coffee
Krispy Kreme: free doughnut
chick-fil-a:free chicken sandwich
Ben and Jerry's: free scoop of ice cream (5pm-8pm)
Zov's Cafe (in Cali) : free slice of apple pie (with purchase)

So if you have these in your area you can go vote, then get your free coffee....free doughnut, then on to the free chicken sandwich and of course ice cream!
All we have here is the star bucks, but you had better believe I will be getting my coffee tomorrow!!!!

Halloween !!!

I could seriously just cry....as I was taking the pics it said there were right around 90....well what you see here are all the pics that my memory card decided to keep, the others are just gone! I am so upset......this is the first halloween I have managed to get pics and now over 75% of them are gone forever!