We are on the way......

Out the door in about 5 min. to the autsim conference in Minneaoplis. If you read this please wish us luck, it has not been a smooth start. We woke up to a flat tire and leaking oil. They are both fixed....but it took a chunck out of the money for food at the hotel. So we are flying by the seat of our pants at the moment.
Gabe is freaking out. He wants to bring his room with us. Deze is doing nothing but screaming. I am on 4 hours of sleep....
I will update this tonight to tell everyone that we made it in one piece. I am worried about this drive. I am worried if Gabe has to pee on the way...he will NOT use the side of the road or a gas station, has to be something he knows (McDonalds, hotel...)
I am also worried cause last night Deze ripped the scab off her back....she is started to self harm more...and I am worried about her or Gabe making a run for it from the hotel.

NO sleep tonight!

It is 2am. Gabe is up....and wide awake. I am ready to fall over...I am on my last soda. And we are out of coffee! I have to be up at 7 am with the girls, we have appointments all day long. I just want him to sleep. Everyone else is sleeping...but me and Gabe. I cannot fall asleep with him up, or he will get out.
So here I sit, fighting to keep my eyes open. Hoping that the sleep fairy visits him soon, very soon!
I never realized how lucky I was to get 8 hours a night before Gabe regressed. Now I am lucky to get in 4 hours in a row....

Update: he passed out at 5:20 am...so I got to sleep from then to 8:20....I slept through the darn alarm, the girls were late to school. I have a horrible headache. I want to sleep, but have appointments to go to and things to wash and pack for the trip tomorrow!

I may be MIA for a few days.

I am not sure that the internet at the hotel will agree with our computer.
We are leaving this Wednesday for a 4 day conference in Minneapolis. It is all about autism. How to play with the kids to help them to learn. What to do as they get older. How to handle the meltdowns better. Toys that can help them to learn.
TONS of info! I am excited. I have started to get things ready now as the next 2 days are full of meetings and doctor appointments.
The kids are thrilled they get to go swimming, I found the life jackets. So I can take all of the alone while Geromy is at the night conferences. We are hitting up the dollar store to buy cheap toys for there too. Ones I don't care if they break, and hope they don't make it home!!!

When Deze wants kool-aid

She helps herself!










Tonight I was tucking in the girls. When I hear Gabe say "mommy kiss miss come" (christmas) Not understanding what he means I told him just a minute. I get to him and ask him again. He drags me to the door and starts to jump up and down....saying "santa!"
This is the view that greets me:

a day at the park!

random pictures!

What happens when mom gets sick of high prices?

We make tortillas at home! We made 20 of them for less then a dollar....and the kids had fun helping....
Tomorrows task is laundry soap....and planting of the tomatoes.

We got answers.....

Dezire was diagnosed today. She has moderate to severe Autism. She also has a severe speech delay, I don't remember the name of it, and a major lack of understanding of facial expressions.
We will have the report in 2 weeks. I am happy that we have answers, and sad all the same breath.
The reason she does not respond to pain is not a lack of feeling, it is a lack of knowing how to react.
They say that you are never given more then you can handle. I either under estimate myself or someone of greater powers over estimated what I could handle.

In 12 hours

from now...so at 1pm we will be in an appointment for Deze. It is with a child psychologist and behavioral therapist. We may have answers soon. They may not be what we want to hear, but we need to know how we can help her.
This may be a bitter sweet day. Where as I know that something is "not right" about her, at the same time I would prefer to think I am insane and she is fine! I hate this feeling. I did the same thing with Gabe. I know what was going on with him, yet I WANTED someone to tell me I was nuts and the kid was fine.
Deze's back is doing good...a little blood today, I caught her itching it. I will get a picture of it tomorrow.
Wish us luck with the appointment! I will update as soon as I can....

So I spoke way to soon about it being a bad day.

I was doing the dishes after dinner and the girls were all tucked into bed, or so I thought. Deze comes downstairs and is telling me she wants a drink of water, I tell her no and ship her back up. Then she comes down 2 min later and says her back hurts. I look and see a small scratch and tell her to go back to bed. She reach into her pullup under the small scratch and gets blood all over her hands.
I investigate and find 2 very deep scratches. So deep that they are barely bleeding. She is not crying, so I give her Tylenol and call Geromy to tell him to get home from work so I can get her to the ER.
Long story short we have no idea what caused the boo boo. She has 3 tubes of liquid stitches and a bandage strip that holds it together.
She didn't cry, we have no idea what happened to her. She didn't cry at the hospital when all the docs cleaned it....or sealed it up.
She got a piece of gum and 3 stickers out of the deal. There are 15 min left of the day. I am praying that the worst is over....I am not sure I can take anymore for the day!

Stressful day at its finest

I ran downstairs to change over the clothes. I was downstairs less then 3 min. As I get up stairs I hear someone running across the floor to the top of the steps. It was Tajia. "Gabe left, he went to the park mommy"
The words that make your heart simply stop and panic shoot through you.
I grabbed my keys. Told Tajia to stay in the house. Do not leave...and do not open the door. I had no other choice.
To those of you that don't know we live right next to a river. That was my first thought. So I ran to the river and looked in there, not seeing him, I started to yell. I took out my cell and started to call 911, just as it connects I hear the girls yelling out the window that he is in the park, they can see him.
Sure enough he was about 2 blocks over in the park. On a swing. I got to him and he just looks at me and says "Gabe go swing mommy"
I carried him home, in tears...It was terrifying to say the least. I got him home and held him, told him it was not ok. He cried saying sorry over and over. He thought I was mad.
He is sleeping now. There will be alarms on that door in the morning, I have been asking for them to be put on for 2 months. I am doing it myself now.
I has been a long day....

Tomorrow ..

We get to buy a pair of glasses out of pocket for Nomuken. Hers are broken. They lasted for 4 months. At nearly 150 a pop this is going to be expensive! I know that is cheaper then most kids glasses...but we don't exactly have a high income. That is more then half of what is left after rent and utilities.
On a side note I am frustrated with the world for the moment. I am sick of people judging my kids. I know they are loud, I know that they get wild. I know that my son looses it alot. And I am sick of loosing friends over this. It hurts that people are so fast to judge a kid with autism....it kills me that they can say and do such hurtful things. I know that he is too much for some. Same with Deze. It is not something he can help.
If you cannot deal with him or her, walk away. Please don't be my friend for pity reasons.
My fathers side of the family does not believe in autism, thought Gabe was too loud. We cut them from our lives for a reason. If you cannot accept him, then I cannot accept you.
Unless you live my life, walk a mile in my shoes or however you want to word it....please do not judge.
For those of you that love my kids just the way that they are thank you.

HAPPY EASTER!