Tired

CHEESE!!!

Tajia was not happy when she was put in time out...next time she will think twice before telling me she hates me!
Goofy Nomuken!!
Gabe and his nugglie....he loves this blanket!

I am tired, been a long day. Got alot packed up, a few houses called on. Nothing so far will work for us...we have some time, I am not freaking out yet!
Deze is beginning to act at school the way she does at home. She yelled at the teachers and was spitting and biting. Maybe now they will realize she needs intervention!

FOR GRANDMA!!!

There are the long over due pictures. Sorry for taking so long. Excuse the mess in the backgrounds....we are in the middle of packing to move!

I am doing better today..

The kids are in and out of time out alot....but they are learning they have to listen to me. I can make it! I have 2 possible houses to call on today! This will work, it HAS to work.
I do have to say that I LOVE the weighted blanket that Deze got....I wrapped her in it last night and she was out within 2 min of that! Like magic, worth every penny.
Gabe calls his weighted blanket his "nugglie" like snugglie without he s...he has a very hard time with "s".
I will post pictures tonight......I have shopping to do today! The kids are going to love getting new bedding for the new house!! Got to get the rash cream from Dezire....again...just so ya know if the kid eats it they will live, just give them milk (or soy milk in our case) and good to go.
I had to call poison control 2 times in an hour on Deze yesterday....that didn't help my mood of the day....but like I said today is a new day!

I am so stressed at this moment

The girls are in their room, they were tucked in 30 min ago. Instead of sleeping they are fighting, screaming and sneaking out. They know better then this. I am on my last nerve. I am not sure how much more I can take of this. Tomorrow we are doing boot camp, time out style. As of lately I have been busy and slacking off on the discipline. They need this, they need told no, they need to be put in time out when they do not listen.

At the dinner table when they want more they yell MORE at me. I am NOT ok with this. I need Geromy to be on the same page with me with this, so we are having a talk when he gets off work tonight. I cannot be the only one to correct them.

I have alot already packed up. I am cleaning the walls and baseboards...if we do not then HUD will stop helping with rent. But its all on me. I hate that stress, the looking in the paper and online for a house is all on me too. I want to run away and hide. I know it will all be ok in the end, but at this moment I do not see the light......

Today so far...

Has been nuts. We lost Mr. bunny, then found him. Put in our official 30 day notice...effective on the 1st of Feb. We do NOT have anywhere to move to yet. I left my purse (with my debit card and camera full of pics) in the cart at Target. We got it back with everything in it.
Then Geromy leaves for work and forgets his store keys for closing at home. I forgot the kids papers for head start too...I think I need to go back to bed. I am afraid of the rest of the day as its only 3:20pm.
I will have pics tomorrow night, I cut Nomuken and Tajia's hair last night, and getting mine done in the morning!!

A little UPDATE

This is where Gabe passed out the night he was waiting for daddy to come and fix the potty....and yes that is a table he is sleeping on! He freaked out for about 2 hours then shut down...poor kiddo!

The panic of a stuffed rabbit!!

As I stated in my last blog we went to a different town on Tuesday night. Gabe took his stuffed bunny with him. This is a bunny he got at 14 months old, the bunny gets him through school, doctor appointments, to sleep, and everyday stress. This bunnies name is Mr. Bunny. Over the last few yrs Mr. Bunny has become part of the family......well last night Gabe starts to panic, he cannot find Mr.Bunny! We were thinking back to where we saw him last. Geromy and I thought he was left in Walmart in another town, or the hardee's. We called both places...neither had seen him.

Gabe would not sleep, we tore the house apart....finally this morning comes and we look between his very high sided bed (4feet) and the wall (6 inch space) and there he was. I have NEVER been so happy to see a bunny as I was this morning!

If he had been one of the girls we would have drove to walmart and got something else to keep away the bad dreams....but with Gabe there is no replacing this bunny, ever.

Kids are funny

We were on our way to a town that is close (about a 30 min drive) and Gabe says "Gabe needs pee" ....we are in between towns and when he says this you have about 30 seconds to get him somewhere to pee! So I pull over to the side of the road.....no way, he tells us "too cold, pee froze" so we load him back into his carseat and drive to the nearest gas station...happens to sell bait as well.
Geromy takes him into the potty. Gabe walks into the bathroom, looks in the toilet and screams "NO" and trys to run. Daddy catches him and figures out the issue...there was a minnow in the toilet. Just swimming around in there! Daddy flushed fast and Gabe got to go potty.....
We are going house looking tomorrow. I am hoping we find one, I am so ready to be done with this place. Right this very minute I need for Deze to go to sleep so I can do the dishes and get the other 2 girls to bed, rather then having to sit in front of her door to make sure she does not get out and tear things up! I knows its not easy on her to be overloaded with sensory issues....I try to keep this in mind.
Gabe actually tried spaghetti with sauce on it tonight!

I am awake...I don't want to be

I was up till 4:30am with Gabe....and Deze. Deze has a horrible cough, thank goodness we have a nebulizor at home for her! Gabe was up till 4....daddy was using him blanket....as soon as I stole it back Gabe passed out. Like freaking magic, might have to get one for daddy too !!!
It snowed all day here! So we are sitting in the 20's.
I cannot think too well on 3 hours of sleep!!
I have a few pics to post, will have to do that tomorrow as my ankle is swollen and sore...I was hoping it would be healed all the way by now, but if I am on it much at all it hurts! I feel broken!
I hope the people that read this are doing ok, scares me reading about all the financial issues people are having, we are used to being broke and counting pennies literally. So it does not seem to be that big of a thing so far.
If you are reading this and struggling I hope things turn around soon for you! Going to go now, have to give Deze another nebulizor treatment and hope she sleeps tonight!

What happens when the only potty clogs and floods:

The NT kids in the house all use the training potty and are ok with it. Gabe sits in a corner, rocking and crying for daddy....he keeps saying "geromy" over and over again, when I try to talk to him he screams "calls fixers!"
This is one of those days I wish I knew what to do!

Gabe got a new:

Weighted blanket today. He has one that we keep at school for when he needs it there. This one that came in is from ebay, for home, he loves it. The women who made it did a really, really good job with it! We are impressed big time! I am hoping this will help him to sleep better, time will tell for sure.
We also did our taxes today, got alot less then we got last yr, by like 2,00o dollars...enough to move, but very, very little else.
We have the things we really need and that is all that matters. I was hoping to be able to get a sofa as we don't have one, or a bed, as we are on a futon at the moment....one thing at a time, maybe we will score them at yardsales!
Deze started back to OT today, we are also getting a weighted blanket for her, thank you taxes!!
Gabe is going nuts being stuck in the house, he went to school today, its a week before he goes again, how do they really expect the kids to learn anything at all when they are there an average of one day a week for 3 hours? Make no sense to me! Hope the rest of the world is staying warm!!

I simply want:

Deze to go to sleep! She has been screaming for 55 min right now. I am not sure how much longer I can stand this, but if I get her out this one time I know that tomorrow will only be worse!
Gabe is having a refusal to speak day. He will not tell me if he is hungry, tired, sad, nothing. He wants his daddy. He can have him in 2.5 more hours. He is on his PSP pretending I don't exist right now!
Gaydin and Tajia are sleeping. Through the screaming. They do not go back to school till Tuesday. I am not sure I can survive that long!!! Ok I know I can but somedays......

How do you know when you live too far North?

When school is canceled for a windchill of -55.......wow its cold out there!!!!

Nomuken is very upset today!!

Deze has broken not 1 but 2 of Nomuken's toys. New toys, Christmas toys. Both of them were things that Nomuken loved. I am out the 40 bucks to replace them, and hoping that Deze does not do it again.
Deze starts back to OT on Friday, it cannot come any sooner! She needs this. She was home a total of 4 hours before bedtime, in school the rest of the day!
Total damage for the day from Deze: 1 Mcdonalds toy cash register, 1 my little pony "outfit", 1 of the people from a little people toy set, 2 cups of water on the kitchen floor, 1 broken egg in the fridge, 1 cup of water on the bathroom floor, 1 clogged up sink, 2 messy hands from a poopy pullup, 1 PSP game chewed on, and one PSP bitten, and 1 bowl of noodles dumped onto her own head and mashed in!!!
She did good for 4 hours!!!!

Gabe went to school today, did really good, he had the personal care assistant with him that we trust. I am happy she is there, she is the ONLY reason my son is allowed there. He has been stressed today, Deze pushed his buttons alot today...messing with his PSP, he wanted to kick her butt to put it mildly!!!

Today.............

was an odd day. Deze is back in occupational as of this Friday. Her ped has her diagnosed with sensory integration disorder, adhd and possible aspergers. I am happy for this day, someone listened...yet sad, angry and lost all in one. I am really not sure how to feel. I love her, but I feel like I fail her daily, I am not sure I can be the mom that she needs....or deserves.

Tajia and Nomuken had a great day, Tajia went to school, Nomuken got to stay home and play with a little boy I do daycare for...he is one and my kids love him.....

Gabe has had a calm day. He said the cutest thing, just have to share it. He was playing a video game in his underwear and undershirt...and socks (he has a thing for ALWAYS having socks on lately) he says "Gabe cold, Gabe needs snuggles"
Me thinking he means snuggles like the girls would mean, I start to move things off the futon so he can sit next to me..Instead he climbs into his bed and gets into the huge pile of blankets.....he loves the pressure. I cannot wait for his weighted blanket to get here!! We ordered it off ebay last week....

Gabe is obsessed with....

Bendaroos......the string covered in wax, he LOVES the commercials....has been repeating them for days!
Wonder hanger...it holds 1,2,3,4,5 clothes!! Gabe can tell you all about either one of these things, word for word!!!!
And cheese sandwichs...its a staple for him! At least one time a day.
Its freaking cute! Got to love him !

Deze is...

her 4th breathing treatment since 2pm....I hate asthma! I love that the albuterol makes her feel better within seconds, I just hate having to medicate my child all the time!

On a different note I finally figured out what is going on with Gabe and school. Tajia did honestly.....another autistic boy in his class whom we are friends with his mom and Gabe loves him...we will call him Z. Well on days that Gabe is gone Z tells his mom that Gabe is sad. I think we have learned why. Tonight at dinner Gabe was talking to Tajia, tells her that Z and Gabe are weird. Then he tells her that Gabe and Z and the other asd boy in the class are stupid......At this point I realize there is something to this...so I tell Tajia to ask him if they are anything else? She does and he says "Gabe, Z , and A are retarded" (I HATE THIS WORD)
I am shocked, he does NOT hear this word at home....I have Tajia ask him who said this...Gabe says the big girl does...there is one of the girls in his class that is that tallest girl there.
Z. telling his mom Gabe was sad when he was gone from school finally makes sense.....Z knew the words were not good. We will be talking to the teacher on Monday about this. Kids are so mean!!! I want to cry. I had to explain to my 5 yr old that he is non of the above, and that although he may do weird things, he has autism. And so do Z and A. No 5 yr old should hear or know those words, mainly the R one!!

When we move

We have to get into a single level home...at first I was ok with the bedrooms all on one level. After last night, it HAS to be a single level. We are lucky to have Gabe alive this morning!
Last night about 4 am, I was awakened to someone poking my arm....I woke up and it was Gabe, he says to me "I go out, play snow." I told him NO....Its dark and its time to be sleeping....he says "take daddys light, gabe go play in snow"
I got him back to bed, and back to sleep, but all I can think now is what if? He could have just went outside with daddy's flashlight...in his jammies, with the windchill of major negatives overnight he would have frozen to death within 30 min. We cannot hear the door alarm with the heater on.
SO we HAVE to get the whole house on one level, and I have to find door alarms that are LOUD!!

Today I just want to go back to bed.

It just seems like things are against me today. Germs one day off, and he is sick in bed at 5pm. I feel like puking, but have to deal with the kids. This sucks!
Gabe went back to school today, we spoke to the personal assistant in the room and she kept a very close eye on him at school. The girls stayed home, we got some bills paid. Deze threw one fit after the other in stores. Tajia has been getting some major attitude lately! I think the highlight of the day so far was watching the semi with trailer get stuck on the road in front of my town house. Its on a dead end, so there was nowhere for him to go, he finally backed up till he hit the main road and went across it....was funny for the 15 min it lasted!
The kids are all playing good for the moment, Gabe only bit one time today....that is a good day for him!

Pictures to catch you up!

Today we had a tornado come in

to most she goes by Deze. To me she goes by demolishion child!
She can DESTROY a room in a matter of 2 minutes, literally. Think I am joking? I will loan her out as birth control!! (kidding on that one!! well kinda)
in the time it took to get her a cup of soy milk she dumped ALL the toys off the toys shelf, shredded one book, and was jumping on a table naked when I walked back in to the room. I need a shock collar for this child.....before you go calling the state, that was a joke!

Its been a couple days sorry!!

We have been very busy....cleaning and organizing, and wishing the walls would somehow expand!
Tajia started back to school today, she was thrilled! We waited till last night to tell her in case of a snow storm coming through! Nomuken and Deze start back tomorrow. Once they get back to school I am going to be starting to look for houses. I cannot wait to be able to breath.

We are out of room here, out of room for shelves, storage tubs, anything. I keep trying to get rid of things, but we use all the things we have, so I don't know what to do anymore!

I am going to be starting a different blog, journaling my (hopefully) weight loose! I have to do it for me and for these kids!

Deze tore up 3 books earlier in the time it took for me to go pee (TMI sorry) so I have to go and clean that up! We went food shopping today. We spent 200 bucks, saved a little over 100 dollars! Fridge and freezer and all the cabinets are packed full of food! The kids are thrilled.

Gabe has a new obsession! The movie Wall-e....he has it memorized, seriously! We bought it 2 days ago, he has seen in 12 times......if dvds do wear out we will soon know. I could say I am annoyed, but that would be a lie...to me him repeating the words from the movie still counts as words. It does make it hard when you try to talk to him and all he will say over and over again is WALL-E in a robot voice !!!!

Warning: This is a vent

At this very moment in time I am stressed to the point of crying, literally. I do not know what to do with Deze. She has been climbing all day long. Dumped water all over the carpet, ate half a stick of butter, picked at a stuffed animal till she could get the stuffing out of it. When I told her to stop, put her in time out each time. She gets up and does something else. I am trying to give her lots and lots of positive attention, but it doesn't seem to matter.
She is in her room now, picking a hole in the wall...yes the WALL. I have had to patch many holes because she loves to pick at the wall. She does not respond to yelling, time outs, spankings, or a thing called magic 1,2,3. I am out of ideas. I am trying so hard to stay calm with her. I have not hit her, or screamed at her. I feel like I am failing. And yes I am aware that some reading this may agree with that.

It is 2am

Gabe is still up, and wired! We have been trying to get him to sleep since 11pm. Its not working! I am so tired, have to be up at 8am. This is not fun, after a while even the Internet is boring!
I have some pics to share tomorrow night, don't feel like uploading them right now.
Gabe has been having a very autistic day. He has some days that unless you know his age and watch him close you would not know he has autism. Today is one of those days that if you watch him for a second you will know something it different about him. I am not sure if this is normal for kids with autism or not. But it is for Gabe. Actually I don't think there is a normal at all for kids with autism, they are all so, so different!
I am hoping to have him asleep before 3am, then I have to pry Geromy off the xbox so I can make the futon into a bed and sleep!
I am almost positive that the minute I lay down Deze is going to get back up, she is not a sound sleeper tonight at all.
I hope that everyone had a fun and safe new years....

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